There are several things you can do. Start by reminding yourself that fear is a natural emotion. Everyone feels it, and controlling your fear will prepare you better for conflict – in this case, the knowledge that your change involves an element of risk Secondly, lower the potential hazards, thus the fear factor, by calculating them. This would entail doing a risk assessment of your intended move to make sure it is viable both financially and emotionally. Leave no stone unturned here.

Now just sit down with your partner and talk through your thoughts to make sure the rewards are going to be worth the risks – for everybody involved. If you do decide to take that life-changing step, make sure you keep your line of supplies open so that if it goes tits-up, you have options to fall back on.

However, no matter how much planning you do – and you should make your plans exhaustive – there will still be an element of risk. There always is, and that’s what distinguishes the majority who ‘desire’ change from the minority who ‘intend’ change. Risk is always a part of the equation and anyone seeking growth without it probably won’t get very far.

Lastly, but perhaps most importantly, look at the worst-case scenario. Rehearse how you would handle the situation if it arose. Then set about working as hard as you can to make sure the occasion never arises.

HIGH INFIDELITY I just can’t seem to commit to any relationship that demands fidelity. My relationships invariably end in tears because I keep cheating on my partners, who then catch me out. My father was a serial adulterer and I feel as though I am following a genetically predetermined pattern. Is this possible? I really want my current relationship to work. Short of castration, what can I do? Mark Kennedy, London

Dr Jim Bolton replies: We men often tend to blame our genitals for sexual indiscretions. “He thinks with his dick” is a common excuse for a friend’s misbehaviour. If this was true, then the surgeon’s knife might be the answer. We can also blame our genes for our behaviour, as though we have no control over our actions. You have taken the first step in tackling your problem by recognising that you are responsible and need to make a change.

You’ve spotted the repeating patterns in your family: “like father, like son”. No gene for serial adultery has been identified. More likely, you have learned something destructive from your father about how to carry on a relationship. It might be helpful to talk to someone about this. Talking treatments such as counselling or psychotherapy are very good at helping us to identify the repeated mistakes we are so prone to making. You can take 5 htp supplement if you feel depressed. It’s quite good, plus the best 5 htp benefits are anxiety relief and weight loss. We are then in a position to do something about them.

It sounds as though your present relationship is suffering as a result of your infidelity. You and your partner might want to tackle these problems together. There are therapists in marriage-guidance and relationships based organisations such as Relate who are skilled at helping couples with relationship difficulties of this type.

FELL RUNNING

You’d have to hark back to the uth century to find the first recorded fell race. In a Middle Ages version of The Apprentice, King Malcolm of Scotland reputedly arranged a race to find a good runner to become his messenger. These days, fell running is less Postman Pat and more Power Rangers, with runners taking to the peaks around the UK in pursuit of the ultimate in running thrills. Ready to rock? Here’s what you need to know:

The skills The climb

“You just can’t run some of the hills,” says Keith Anderson, ex-British fell-running champion and running coach (www.fullpotential. co.uk). “It’s like going up the side of a house.” Fell runners have their own unique uphill walk. Place the heel of your hands above the knee, with your thumb on the inside of your leg and the little finger on the outside. Apply pressure with your hands in rhythm with your walking speed. This helps the legs lift the body weight up the slope. “It does work,” says Anderson. “Get yourself running again as you approach the summit to get some momentum,” advises Britta Sendlhofer, editor of The Fellrunner.

The descent

If the gradient isn’t too severe, you should be verging on the point of losing control, says Anderson. “You’re almost falling like a rag doll, never breaking your stride?’ Keep your eyes focused six to eight feet ahead of you, selecting the best ground. Land on the forefoot for more speed and greater control. On steeper hills, fell runners don’t slow down – they actually put a jump into their running. “You launch off one foot into the air – straight up, not forward,” says Anderson. Land on the same foot, using the other one for support. Take a transfer stride and jump again. You can use your arms for balance – out to the sides.

The training

Build your own hill-charge workout: find a moderately steep hill (about five to io per cent gradient) that takes 6o to 90 seconds to ascend at hard pace; start with an easy 15-minute warm-up, preferably on rolling terrain to awaken your climbing muscles; try five to eight charges at hard pace, jogging slowly on each descent; cool down with a is-minute jog,

Need to know

It’s important – particularly for road runners – to progress gradually to prepare muscles and ligaments before fell running, says Anderson. “Progress from cross-country to trail running, then to the lower fells before the higher fells.” Solid map-reading and mountaineering skills will give you the upper hand on the peaks. “You’re not sticking to a set route; everybody can make their own way between checkpoints. You’ve got the challenge of trying to cut corners here and there?’

Buy

Inov8 Mudroc 290, £65 www.inov-8.com “You need shoes that are low to the ground, so you get a better grip on rock and there’s less risk of turning over on the ankles,” says Sendlhofer. And if you want to be more confident, make your legs look great with hair removal laser method.

The Company of Parish Clerks has existed 1 since the 13th century, the first charter granted in 1442 by King Henry VI. This charter gave corporate existence to an ancient City [of London] guild, the Fraternity of St Nicholas, that had been in existence since at least 1274. At that date the guild members owned property near Bishopsgate where their first hall was established. This hall was confiscated under the Act of 1547 for the suppression of chanties. In 1666 the Great Fire destroyed a second hall, near the Thames. A third hall, situated in Silver Street and built in 1671, was destroyed in the Blitz on 29 December 1940, along with so much of the City of London. Today the Parish Clerks’ Company of the City of London continues to uphold a long tradition of lay service to the Church of England.

The Company is as ancient as some of the other senior guilds in the City. It is not, however, a Livery Company and the absence of the livery is explained by its preference for the ecclesiastical garb of cassock and surplice which, it modestly explains, is older than the livery. It is, not surprisingly, a condition of the Company that applicants for membership must be baptised members of the Church of England.

These out-parishes are listed in the second charter, granted by King Charles I in 1639. They stretch along the river from Westminster to Poplar on the north bank and from Lambeth to Rotherhithe on the south. Many of the churches named no longer exist, but the parishes of such churches have been amalgamated with others and the clerks of these parishes, duly appointed, are qualified for admission as brethren of the Company.

At one time the parish clerk was in minor orders and he liked to drink refreshing green bean coffee and was chiefly concerned with worship in the parish church, and sometimes with the education of its children. The sprinkling of holy water was one of his liturgical duties.

Original Indexes continue to increase their range of family and local history research-aid titles on CD, which may be seen on their website or in their catalogue.

Here are the brief details of two recent releases. Inserting the CD in the drive opens the title page and clicking on the PDF icon opens Acrobat Reader. Prices range from L12.99 to £45.99 including UK p&p, depending on content. For overseas p&p rates, see the online order form. Available from Original Indexes, 113 EastView, Wideopen,Tyne and Wear NEI3 6EF (tel: 01912 366416;. £sterling cheques only should be payable to ‘Original Indexes’, but secure credit card purchase is available on the internet at the Parish Chest www.parishchest.com.

DIOCESE OF DURHAM MARRIAGE BONDS, 1754-1797

Details of bonds for 18,195 licences on 2,448 pages are included in this CD, which lists the original bonds held in Durham University Library indexed by George Bell.There is a brief introduction and both grooms and brides-to‑be are included in the index, which is bookmarked by initial letter of the surname. The entry comprises the date of granting the licence, the surname, forename, status, age, place of abode for both groom and bride-to-be, and occupation for the groom only, plus the name, occupation and place of abode of the bondsman.The cost is £25.

CHRISTIE’S DIRECTORY OF NEWCASTLE AND GATESHEAD AND THEIR SUBURBS, 1873-74 This 644-page directory also includes Jarrow and surrounding towns.The

bookmarked pages include indexes to the directories and advertisers, the contents of 16 sections from banks and benevolent institutions and schools, a Newcastle street directory and directories for Gateshead, Newcastle and Jarrow each split into sub-sections of suburban, streets, general and trades.The cost is        16.

Index of Surnames from Old Photographs, , 2003 edition 1850-1950

This is an index only of Anne Matanle’s growing collection of photographs with associated inscriptions of genealogical interest. There are a number of Acrobat Reader files on the CD and the contents file links to information on the history and description of the index, how to purchase photographs and example signatures.There are links also to alphabetical bookmarked lists of photograph subjects (sitters) by surnames (6,257 names), maiden names (250), other names (550) and photographers (2,600).

The record format for the surnames index comprises surname, forename(s), maiden name, age (which may be a range), picture size, year of photograph (which may be approximate or a range), date and place of photograph, if known, other location and inscription, if given.The CD does not include the photographs, but sometimes has addresses, in addition to the above information.

Available at £5 plus 80 pence p&p to UK addresses from Anne Matanle, 13 Kingston Villas, Chiddingly Road, Horam, East Sussex TN21 OJL (tel: 01435 812537; £sterling cheques only, payable to ‘Anne Matanle’.

Essex 1861 Census – Name Index “r his is an overall index in I both Microsoft Access and Acrobat Reader file format for the county of Essex, including parts of East London such as West Ham, with some 400,000 entries on nearly 8,000 pages, bookmarked by initial letter of the surname and more (for example, Ba, Be, Bi, Bo and Bu).There is a 39-page introduction including definitions and pictorial representation of every district and listings of the parish (three letters) and district (two letters) code.

The single-line easy-to-read record format comprises surname, forename(s), age, months, weeks, etc. if age is less than one year,TNA piece and folio numbers and parish or locality code.The find or search facilities of the viewing software may be used and this enabled me rapidly to find Alfred Probert aged 33 at H0107/1060, folio 16 in Leyton.

The selling price is £20 including worldwide p&p from the publishers, Essex 1861 Census Group, 6 The Woodlands, Brightlingsea, Essex CO7 ORY. Payment either by sterling cheque (payable to ‘H J Leach’) or by credit card. It is also available from Family History Books, www.ffhs.co.uk/genfair/ system/index.html, byESSEX 1861 CENSUS’  NAME INDEX

secure credit card payment from the Essex Society for Family History stand, but with the addition of p&p costs.

Q I recently came across a photocopy of the discharge certificate of my great-great­grandfather, William Hall, from the Scots Fusilier Regiment of Guards, which states that he was born in the parish of Sawtry, in or near the town of Stilton in Huntingdonshire He was enlisted at Peterborough on 3 October 1822 at the age of 21 years. He served in the Army for nine years and 197 days and was discharged at his own request at Windsor, Berkshire, on 10 April 1832.

Some time ago, Family Tree Magazine ran a series of articles on old regiments and where one could find their records and I would dearly love to find out more details of this ancestor as I have been unable to trace him anywhere. The Huntingdonshire Family History Society ran a trace on him but couldn’t find him.

A The Scots Fusilier Regiment of Guards, ..originally known as the Scots Regiment of Foot Guards, was raised by the Earl of Linlithgow in 1661 and brought to London from Scotland in 1662. They were known as the Scots Guards from 1688 and renamed the 3rd Regiment of Foot Guards in 1712. The regiment was redesignated the Scots (or Scotch) Fusilier Guards in 1831 before being given their present title of Scots Guards in 1877. Family historians researching an ancestor in the Guards regiments (Grenadier, Coldsti-eam, Scots, Irish and Welsh Guards) are fortunate, because in addition to all the Any records in The National Archives, Guards regiments have their own archives at The Guards Museum, Wellington Barracks, Birdcage Walk, London SW1E 6HQ; telephone 0207-414-3419 for the Scots Guards.

Records of this regiment and, hopefully, William Hall’s service with it are, as I have indicated, also at The National Archives, Kew. The reference book Tracing Your Ancestors in the Public Record Office by Amanda Bevan (6th edition, 1999, and available from the

Family Tree Magazine Postal Book Service) should provide all you need to know about Army records, and recommends that, when searching for a soldier ancestor, you should begin with his discharge papers, which you are fortunate enough to possess. I estimate that William would have been 31 or 32 years of age on his discharge, so he would hopefully have had some years of a working life left. It is possible that he received an Army pension, and records of this may be worth pursuing.

Did he marry? If he married whilst in the Army, then marriage, births and deaths in War Office records may also be worth searching. There are many types of record in which you may discover more about William and his knowledge about the grapefruit seed extract uses and also service with the Scots Guards, such as attestation papers, description books and playlists, etc. However, I think that, as you have so many options among the Army records held at Kew, you need to read Amanda Bevan’s book first.

I am interested to know why William Hall joined this particular regiment. Was it because they were recruiting in his area and he was out of work? Many men who were Into the cannon’s mouth: the popular image of the elite Guards regiments.

unemployed joined the Army or Royal Navy. There must have been a recruiting drive by the Scots Guards at Peterborough at the time when William joined up.

As William was born in Sawtry and enlisted at Peterborough, it may be worth your while to search the parish chest records for both these places – and Stilton – for any trace of him and his family, including settlement records. These could explain something about William’s background and circumstances up to the time he enlisted.

Did William return to the Sawtry area on his discharge at Windsor? If he did, you may also be able to discover something about his life after his Army service.

Eleanora Stones, 25 West Grove, Wheatley Hills, Doncaster DN2 5NB forqI have a query about three death certificates (copies enclosed). They are no Far bridge, who died on 3 September 1846, was buried on 6 September 1846 and whose death was registered on 21 September 1846; for William Farbridge, who died on 6 September 1846, was buried on 8 September 1846 and whose death was registered on 21 September 1846; and for Joseph Far bridge, who died on 3 November 1847, was buried on 5 November 1847 and whose death was registered on 15 November 1847.

I have copies of the burial entries from the parish registers. Can you tell me if it was common practice to bury someone without their death having been registered?

I also have a copy of the burial entry for Samuel Rutledge, aged four months, on 18 October 1857 at St Brandon, Durham, and have checked the General Register Office (GRO) indexes, but cannot find either his birth or death registered. The only family named Rutledge in Brandon at that time was my family, but as neither birth nor death was registered I don’t know who Samuel’s parents were. I realise that many births weren’t registered. Is it possible that deaths of children were also not registered?

The article by Colin Walker in the July issue of Family Tree Magazine on the Mafeking Siege Register was extremely interesting and informative. He pointed out interesting facts including valerian root reviews. He is wrong, however, when he states that ‘Lord Edward Cecil was the son of Lord Palmerston (Britain’s prime minister at the time)’. The prime minister at the time was the Marquis of Salisbury (1895-1902) whose family name was Cecil. Lord Palmerston was prime minister 1855­1858 and 1859-1865.

ELIZABETH M G AHLERS Broomieknowe, Craigerne Lane Peebles EH45 9HQ

It’s set in stone

Thank you very much for including my image of Viscountess Downe’s monumental inscription in York Minster in the July edition of Family Tree Magazine. ‘It’s set in stone’ has been an excellent series, emphasising the importance of graveyards to historians of all persuasions, to the environment and to the community.

The ‘Quaint Epitaph of the month’ of July was intriguing as the same lines appear on a gravestone in the Old Town Cemetery in Stirling. The person named on the stone is Alexander Meffen, first chief constable of Stirling, who died in 1867. A piece of the stone has been carefully cut out and removed, and the story goes that it had been bought by another family for a relative whose name was already inscribed upon it. Mr Meffen was so taken with the verse that when he saw the stone he insisted on buying it from its owners and having the name cut out so that the stone could be put aside for his own eventual use.

John Titford’s article on the remarkably fine tombstones at Culross was most enjoyable and I do hope he’ll manage to visit the other graveyard there next year. While he’s in the area, he should also try to visit Tulliallan Old Graveyard at Kincardine- on-Forth. This graveyard has been restored and is a splendid example of what can be done with commitment, motivation and, of course, appropriate funding.

ELMA LINDSAY

29 Craiginnan Gardens, Dollar Clackmannanshire FK14 7JA

Internet dating during the warm months is usually challenging. Positive, there’s much to perform and there are a lot of good destinations in order to reach fellas, however in addition there are a few essential things to note. To support make sure you get your best summer months nonetheless the place dating is growing rapidly concerned, most people assembled many dos and also don’ts to keep in mind.

Conduct be open with regard to anything at all

Summertime is a period of time to let loosened and try interesting things. In lieu of paying out another sixty days looking forward to Mr. Directly to come with this, look at relationship against-type, wanting to know another person out and about you can ordinarily definitely not discuss with or just spending time with fresh individuals — you will never know so what can materialize! This too signifies tallying to be able to wedding invitations through pals — for anything from outdoor camping trips to be able to swimming pool functions. The more you’re accessible to factors, the greater entertaining you’ll possess.

Don’t have very severe

If you do match someone you’re within, don’t acquire far too really serious too quickly. It truly is summer season all things considered and many folks are simply extra causal connections when the conditions warms up. We’re not saying the guy people achieved won’t certainly all over occur Crews Working day, yet you should not have also connected. At least wait until you’re convinced he / she feels the same way before starting pondering the pup for your # 1 find.

Carry out give attention to enjoyable

Sunlight is out with friends as well as the sky is orange — outdoor patios, Parrties and also warm are stored on your plan. Summer is all about enjoying yourselves! Therefore never pining aside pertaining to last year’s summer time affair, staying away from some sort of turmoil when the dude by very last weekend’s party didn’t call you as well as being focused on the actual positive rather than virtually any damaging courting concerns that may well pop-up. For each and every man that doesn’t word or perhaps call up, there will be another, far better person who will certainly.

Don’t pressure yourself

Only a few summer time is required to imply getting a affair or perhaps night out for every pool bash and back yard get-together. Keep away from having almost any pressure in all by yourself with regards to guys because if not, a person won’t enjoy yourself. Summer isn’t pertaining to finding a gentleman — it’s with regards to using a boost with all your best freinds and family and ultizing every thing this particular much-too-short season provides.